I’ve found myself here lately in unique situations that I don’t quite feel I belong in. I’ve always stuck to the middle of the lane, doing what I know I am good at, and then you get a curve ball. Words that stick. It’s interesting the people who come into your lives for a reason or a season and last week I found myself surrounded by people who basically told me I needed to get my stuff together in not so many words. While they weren’t there directly telling me that, the level of guilt and shame I put on myself began to snow ball. Anxiety ran high. How the heck did I get here? And then maybe it was the universe trying to tell me something. It’s time to get my act together.
The past year has pretty much sucked. There I said it. I’m drowning in a lack of motivation, my surgery set me back emotionally and physically and I had relationships crumble that made me question a lot. I retreated and pulled myself out of responsibilities and activities and basically focused on being a mom. I know I do that well. I immersed us in educational events and field trips and things I know where I was comfortable and knew my child was safe. When she stressed me out, I’d use food to comfort me. When she didn’t listen, stopping and getting a soda would make it better. Here we are and I’m still not fully functioning with my leg. I tried getting back into working out and I struggled with what I love to do.
I thought adding more fashion to my blog would be a great motivator to share my story. A rise from brokenness from surgery, battling PCOS and now a new thyroid issue. But, then we had loss in our family. My grandfather passed way, and it really hit me. I’m sitting there at the funeral and listening to all the great achievements of his lifetime it makes you sit back and think about what your legacy will be. What really matters? I took these photos the day of the funeral. I felt awkward and uncomfortable taking them, but you know what? It was the the first time in a very long time I felt pretty, I felt like I was there to celebrate the life of my granddad and darn it, I want to be me again.
When Eshakti invited me to participate in their Look As Good As You Feel, Feel As Good As You Look Contest and sent me this gorgeous dress, I knew these would be the pictures I needed to share. This dress is just so me. A little bit of quirk with a pop of red. I feel like that’s my entire life. While I’m not where I want to be, I wanted to look back and celebrate the day and the life of a great man and realize that even though I’m in this broken state now, rising up will happen again.
While I didn’t intent for this post to be a downer (and I hope isn’t), I wanted it to be a reminder that some days you put on that red lipstick and work it, and some days you’re in your pajamas all day. You know what? It’s okay. I’ve never claimed to have it all together and certainly never will. But I know that this crazy little internet world has given me so much and I wouldn’t be true to myself if I didn’t share how I was feeling. If you follow my Instagram stories, I’m about as open and honest as I can be and I think people appreciate that.
So for the rest of the holiday, I’ll spend it with family, make those memories and then 2018 we’re getting down to work. Not just the health and wellness aspect but getting all areas on track. As always, thank you for joining me on this journey and letting me share my story.
And this holiday, don’t forget to put on that sassy lipstick and fun dress or crazy heels and own it, because why not, right?
Eshakti provided me with this gorgeous dress. All opinions are mine.