Today I caught myself on Twitter twiddling around while Miss H was watching Mickey Mouse before nap. I came across a hashtag of a conference that I used to coordinate for my old company. I saw the excitement, the new and fresh ideas that went on at that conference and it really made me miss my old life. You see, the year before I had Miss H I was the project manager for that conference – The biggest women in technology conference there is in the US. It’s inspiring, innovative and all the tech companies were there. So was I. I mean, I was in competition with Google and Apple for interns! I had to coordinate every last detail of that event. I worked so hard to make it success and even ended up hiring interns and then offered into full time opportunities. I miss the old days.
I sat there for a moment in a woe is me state thinking maybe I should go back to work longing for that excitement. I miss the excitement. I miss getting people excited about working for the company I worked at. I loved selling the dream of working for my company. It was the best.
I sold myself on the dream of staying home and being that mom. I always wanted that job. It wasn’t a hard sell, but it had a price. I told myself there was no way I could juggle the hectic life of being seasonal road warrior and have a baby. I told myself I couldn’t handle that work/mom/life balance. I wasn’t strong enough or had the endurance to do it.
I told myself a lot of things.
And so here I am almost 2 years later and I miss working. Do I want to go back to work full time? No. I’m not ready for that. Do I miss it? Absolutely.
There is that fire still flickering that makes me want to take off my mom hat every so often and just be Jen – the gal who kicked butt at event planning, recruiting and running a successful program. After all, I was Jen long before I was Mom.
So for a while longer I’ll wear my yoga pants and messy hair and when it’s time, it will be time. But until then I’ll keep on loving life watching Miss H grow, learn news things and see that spark of excitement in her eyes every day.